Potty training—or potty learning, as I prefer to call it—is something I have come to see as a learning process for everyone involved: the child, the parent, and the whole family.
This post shares our potty learning journey with my three children and the gentle lessons I learned along the way. Every child was different, and each experience reminded me that there is no single “right” way to approach potty learning.
If I had to summarize everything in one sentence, it would be this:
Take it slow.
Provide opportunities, set gentle expectations, leave plenty of room for flexibility, and embrace accidents as a natural part of learning.
These tips are for you if:
- following your child’s pace and respecting their unique character is a priority for you,
- respectful communication matters to you,
- and you embrace mistakes—both your own and your child’s.
If you’re curious about our experience with Elimination Communication (EC), you can also read Our Elimination Communication Journey.
This blog post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through these links, at no additional cost to you.
Tip 1: Explore Your Own Mindset Around Potty Training
Explore, research, ask questions, and listen to what others have to say. Gathering reliable information can feel overwhelming, but it also helps you make informed decisions that feel right for your family.
Start with your own experiences and beliefs. What do you already know about potty training? What messages did you grow up with? What feels important to you?
For many of us, before having children, potty training was simply a funny family story or a memory our parents shared. My mom often told me that my sister and I were able to clearly communicate when we needed to use the potty before we turned one.
Back then, I wore cloth diapers—more precisely, cotton muslins or cloth nappies that had to be hand-washed. No wonder potty learning was such a priority for my mother’s generation. It was actually my grandmother who potty trained me. Once I was able to sit independently, I was regularly offered the potty, and over time I learned to go at certain times of the day. At least, that’s the romanticized version of the story, where everything sounds so smooth and easy. Reality is usually much more complicated than that.
As a child, I remember feeling proud that I had stayed dry at such a young age. Looking back, I also wonder whether some of the harder parts—the accidents, the frustration, and the setbacks—had simply faded from my family’s memories.
When my first baby was born, however, nothing was quite as I had expected. The overwhelm, the intensity of my emotions, and everything there was to learn about becoming a parent were so real. There was so much to figure out—not only during those first few months, but well beyond them—that potty training naturally slipped down my list of priorities.
Looking back, I wish I had spent a little more time thinking about how I wanted to approach potty learning. Perhaps I would have started earlier or explored different approaches. But parenting is a journey, and I needed to make my own mistakes and grow through them.
Before my first baby arrived, I had planned to use cloth diapers. With the help of a friend, I had everything I needed to get started.
During our first days in the hospital, we used disposable diapers. Once we were back home, I was excited to start using our cute cloth diapers. At the same time, I also appreciated the convenience of disposable diapers. Using a mix of both helped reduce some of the overwhelm, and that was the right choice for our family at the time.
That experience taught me something I carried into potty learning as well: the best approach is the one that fits your child, your family, and the season of life you’re in.
As you prepare for potty learning, take some time to explore the different approaches and ask yourself which one aligns with your values and your understanding of children. You don’t need to have the perfect plan. Simply becoming aware of your own mindset is a gentle first step.
Tip 2: Follow Your Child’s Pace—and Your Family’s Rhythm
Every child is different. One of the biggest lessons I learned is that following your child’s pace, while gently providing opportunities to learn, creates a calmer and more positive experience for everyone.
The choices we made reflected our values, our family circumstances, and each of our children’s unique personalities. Looking back, I wouldn’t say we always chose the “right” approach—but we chose the approach that felt right for our family at the time.
Your journey will almost certainly look different, and that’s okay. My hope is simply to encourage you to explore the different approaches, trust your instincts, and feel more confident making decisions that fit your child and your family. Set your intentions, but leave plenty of room to change your mind as your child grows and your circumstances change.
Our First Potty Learning Journey
With my first son, I mostly used disposable diapers during his first month before gradually introducing cloth diapers when he was around two months old. Those early months were full of experimenting, trial and error, and learning as I went. At home, we mostly used cloth diapers, while disposables were reserved for nights and outings.
When he was around seven to eight months old, I began occasionally offering the potty. My goal wasn’t to potty train him but simply to help him become familiar with it.
We used a simple three-in-one potty that worked well for our family because it could be used as a potty, a toilet seat, and a step stool. It was sturdy, easy to clean, and comfortable for a young child. We also had a second, lightweight potty at my in-laws’ house. (Affiliate links.)
Sometimes we caught the first morning pee, but I never worried too much about consistency. In fact, consistency has always been something I personally found challenging, and potty learning was no exception. Between seven or eight months and his second birthday, there were long periods when we barely used the potty at all, especially when we were out or travelling.
Looking back, I think using cloth diapers from an early age helped increase his awareness. My original plan was to begin potty learning more intentionally soon after his second birthday in June, hoping to take advantage of the warmer weather.
Life, however, had other plans. My father-in-law became terminally ill, and our family was simply trying to get through each day. When my son was around two years and two months old, I finally decided it was time to begin.
For about a week, he mostly wore training pants while we slowed our pace, stayed home more, and accepted plenty of accidents as part of the process. Sometimes he went without underwear to help him become more aware of his body. We both used the toilet, and he continued using his potty.
What felt like the longest week gradually came to an end, and he was staying dry most of the time. Without reward charts or prizes, he simply learned to recognise when he needed to go.
It took a few more weeks to work through bowel movements. Like many children, he preferred to hide and sometimes held it in. In less than a month, I felt comfortable saying that daytime potty learning was complete. Nighttime dryness followed naturally, and to my relief, he soon began waking up with a dry diaper.
This experience taught me that potty learning doesn’t happen in isolation. It unfolds alongside family life—with its joys, challenges, unexpected changes, and shifting priorities. Following my child’s pace also meant respecting our family’s rhythm. My son’s readiness, our family circumstances, and a healthy dose of flexibility all shaped our journey. In the end, I believe that made potty learning a gentler experience for both of us.
Tip 3: Make a Simple Plan, Yet Stay Flexible
When my second son was born, I felt much more confident after a relatively smooth potty learning experience with my oldest. By then, I had become interested in the many different approaches to potty learning, including introducing the potty from infancy. The two resources that influenced me most were “Oh crap, potty training method” (Affiliate link) and Jeanne-Marie Paynel’s approach to potty learning through Voila Montessori.
Even so, my second son quickly reminded me that every child is different, and every parenting journey requires us to adjust.
Like his older brother, he began wearing cloth diapers when he was about one month old. I introduced the potty around three months, although I have to admit I wasn’t nearly as consistent as I had hoped to be.
When he was about twenty-seven months old, we introduced training pants and began potty learning more intentionally. This time, the process took longer—closer to a month than a week. We spent what felt like endless hours sitting on the toilet or the potty, reading potty books, and playing pretend. He quickly developed a preference for the toilet seat over the potty, which actually made things easier for us.
Compared with my oldest, this journey felt much slower. Because I expected it to unfold in a similar way, I sometimes found myself feeling frustrated and wondering if he would ever get there. And, of course, he did. Once he was ready, he stayed dry during both the day and the night.
One of the biggest lessons my second son taught me was not to compare children. Every child learns in their own time, and our expectations can sometimes create unnecessary pressure—for both them and us. Make a simple plan, but be willing to pause, reevaluate, and adjust as your child grows.
Flexibility is one of the greatest gifts we can offer both ourselves and our children.
Tip 4: Expect Accidents, Embrace the Learning
Accidents are not failures—they are part of learning. The more we accepted them as a normal part of the process, the less stressful potty learning became for all of us.
Prepare for the Practical Mess
Yes, it is messy. We often prepare for the practical mess, but it’s easy to overlook the emotional one.
Think practically and find ways to make things easier for yourself. Consider putting together a simple potty learning kit with everything you might need—extra towels, wipes, tissues, a waterproof pad, an extra potty, or anything else that will make cleaning up less of a burden.
Prepare for the Emotional Mess
When it comes to the emotional side of potty learning, be aware that there will be moments when you feel stressed or frustrated. Allow yourself to feel those emotions.
Prepare in advance by thinking about healthy ways to comfort yourself. Consider how you will deal with feelings of frustration or despair before they happen. Once you have a plan, it becomes easier to avoid blaming your child or reacting in anger. Deep breathing can help. So can simple movement, asking your partner for support, or taking a short break. You know yourself best—find what helps you press the pause button when things become overwhelming.
Keep Learning and Adjusting
Not only is every child different, but they also move from one stage to the next surprisingly quickly. At the same time, you grow and change as a parent. Take time to troubleshoot, reflect, and adjust your approach whenever you feel stuck. What worked a few weeks ago may no longer be the best fit today.
This lesson became especially clear during our journey with my third baby.
Our Experience with Elimination Communication
When I was expecting my third son, I came across Go Diaper Free. Listening to Andrea talk about Elimination Communication (EC) immediately resonated with me. Her respectful approach to babies and their natural hygiene needs made so much sense that I knew I wanted to give it a try.
What I love most about EC is its flexibility. There is no single “right” way to do it—you simply start where you are, follow your baby’s cues, and adapt the approach to your child, your family, and your circumstances.
We began gently from the newborn stage, combining cloth diapers with EC in a way that worked for our family. It became another reminder that parenting is rarely about following a perfect method. It’s about staying curious, adjusting along the way, and finding what works for your child.
If you’re curious about our experience with Elimination Communication—from the newborn stage through toddlerhood—you can read our full journey.
If you’re interested in what it’s like to give birth in Japan, you may also enjoy my article about Japanese maternity clinics.
Tip 5: Trust The Process
One of the biggest lessons my three boys taught me is that potty learning cannot be rushed. Every child reaches this milestone in their own time. There will be exciting days, frustrating days, accidents, breakthroughs, and moments when it feels like nothing is happening at all.
Keep showing up with patience, curiosity, and encouragement. Your child is learning, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Along the way, don’t hesitate to use simple tools that make potty learning more enjoyable and help you stay consistent. Over the years, we found books, potty songs, simple sign language, and bringing a favourite toy to the toilet for a little role play all helped make the experience more engaging and encouraged communication.
One of my favourite tools has always been books. Stories introduce new ideas in a gentle, age-appropriate way while creating wonderful opportunities for connection. Reading together helped make potty learning feel less stressful and often sparked conversations that happened naturally.
One of our family’s favourite books is The potty book for boys (affiliate link).
If you are expecting a baby or have a newborn, you have plenty of time to explore the different approaches to potty learning and think about what feels right for your family. Make a simple plan, but leave yourself plenty of room to adapt as your child grows.
If your child is older, don’t blame yourself for not doing things differently. Instead, focus on what you can do today to gently move in the direction you want to go.
No matter where you are on your potty learning journey, I hope this article has helped you feel a little more reassured and a little less overwhelmed. Remember, you’re learning too. Give yourself the same patience and compassion that you offer your child.
You’ve got this.
Parenting is full of seasons, and potty learning is just one of them.
If this gentle approach to parenting resonates with you, I’d love to stay connected.
Through my Small Parenting Groups, I offer a supportive space for parents to slow down, reflect, and explore gentle, practical ways to strengthen connection, rhythm, and understanding within their families.
You can learn more about my parenting groups here.